Saturday, February 28, 2009

Love is Not ..

After a limited personal experiences & very wide knowledge & observation I can say with clear heart & mind that Love is not that magical thing we(me) used to think of .. it has its own differences than what we used to think about

1-We are humans with limited life time & our feelings are not meant to live more than us ,, A Love that lives forever is just a wish ,, a wish cann't be true unless lover themselves lived forever

2-It was amazing for me to know how people hearts change , & how Love change with them

it was amazing yet painfull to see how many many things affect the feeling of love , sexual physical attraction ,social compatability , the characters & way of thinking & expressing of each side of the love relation

3-Love isn't magical , its just a relation between humans & just as the human themselves is subjected to change with time & development ,, love changes its form , shape , taste & conditions

Love is magical as the same as the humans creating it

Dnt expect to live an abnormal love story while you are just a normal human being ,, here the trick is : No one is convinced s/he is just an ordinary person

Lightings of freedom , justice & responsibility

The original article with comments on facebook

They used to say that "With great Power comes great Responsibility."

Its True ,, BUT it never means that a wo/man with less power have a reduced responsibility

Because on those who are poor , weak & unjusified lies the responsibility to change their own situation & their own children future ,, 

You cann't always rely on the powerfull to help the powerless OR on the rich to help the poor OR on men to help women OR on the free to help the enslaved ,,
This is No WonderLand here ,,

Friday, February 27, 2009

Love is

in that great TV show called 'Scrubs'

when the white/male doctor asked his black/male doctor friend who is about to get married to his girlfriend "What is Love anyway?"

the doctor who was about to get married answered : "Love is when you see kids, little wagons , you name whatever you may think of in the future , & U r not afraid of it"

He meant that Love is the well to share all your life & all your future with someone , you know you realy love some one when you see yourself with him/her after 40 years still happy together

Friday, February 20, 2009

moi (for me only)

This is a brief of my current condition just before i reach 25 , I used to write such a notes for myself to read thim in the future (if I had the chance &if I had a future)!
My Body these days is suffering different types of physical pain & is tired

my eyes & ears are getting weaker by time, my ability to strugle is almost gone & I got nervous easily

I'm still capable of walking for long distances ,I still smiling & laughing as usuall

I can live with it, actually I've no other options :D

My Soul is not working well as I'm losing alot of faith & my relation to God is going into darkened fog ,even Qur'an is not effictive on me as it used to be,

My Mind is restless & is turning to be completely random, I dnt think a possibilty of complete madness is that far

but I grew wiser &resourcefull more than 1 year ago

My Heart is broken & I lost hope in finding that illusionary mythic love I used to dream of, all I hope for now is to find someone suitable(many words contained here) to accept me & to care for me

I discovered how ignorant & stupid I'm in love & relations & it disappointing me :)

My Financial section is the good part, I used to live by 650 sallary & to manage my life with it, now I got much more &that is helping me to buy more books ,attend more music concerts ,got new helpfull devices

I'm fine after all

Y/N Qs

Do You think you will go to Heaven after death?

Do you think Ayman Nour will ever be the egyptian president or prime minister?

Do you believe that a couple (m&f) of every creature on earth was all put together in a single boat oneday to save them ?

Did you ever wanted to sleep with (or even kiss) someone you are not allowed to think of? (u may answer this question in private messege, i dnt mind)

Did you choose your life style & events as it is now?

Do you agree that I may lose my mind anytime?

Do you think white people are better or smarter than black people?

Did you break someone heart before ?

Did you watch porno movies before?
-if Y , Did you enjoyed them ,
-if N , Do you want to?

Y or N are only allowed as answers for this questions si'l vous plaite

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

reflection of an erection

Thats why I cann't marry a girl that is out of politics field, she would never understand why I'm so happy today

she would never understand what is so special & exciting about such a moment,

after losing hope of listening to him again i suddenly watch him talking in the same style like 4 years ago.. for nearly an hour

such a brilliant exciting feeling , i thnk no one would understand it unless (s)he lived it & feeled it before in writing good article or winning an election

its the same for me i cant understand why would any human being be happy for his team winning a football match!!

i just see my 40's bald me coming back home happy & jumbing to share such a special moment with my wife in a romantic way to find her unable to know or appretiate the occasion , & looking at me angerly for losing my time & money for nothing

actually may be ALONE is NOT the best , but being with the wrong person is the WORSE

I guess i'm nt going to make this mistake , actually even a girl from inside the politics field may not be more understandable for it

the truth is I'm ALIVE ,, ALONE & I'M LIVING WITH IT

unleash hell, unleash hope

Ayman is out of prison , while today morning i was discusing my current state of failure & losing hope

i was saying today morning to a friend that "its time for me to come back to my normal rule of life" , its time to realise im nt created to fall n love, get a broken heart & got married

i'm here to fight for freedom (when i said this i was convinced -&still -i've refound my way to fight , Enlightment is my battle

Ayman Nour is back , I'm happy more than i can describe in english ,,, 

I'm not going back to ElGhad , but I'm back to the battle in a new shape


Tuesday, February 17, 2009

strength of a woman


a strong woman
so amazing how this world was made , i wonder if God is a woman!
gift of love stunts me to this day , i give it up for the woman , she is the constant when the feels my sailoo thats woman

in her smile like a star she will protect u like a child
thats a woman
she'll put smile upon ur face & take u 2 highest place

so dnt u underestimate ,strength of a woman,

woke up this morning, i get up with a scent of a woman,

this picture what love wd b
it is'nt that much not for a woman
she can b ur constant pain oo thats woman

those lips they got me wet &its just too hot 2 resist

what a woman

ah ,but f u look into her eyes u'll c , strength of a woman

tender lips are so so sweet ,tend the word she softly speak, such a ...
god bless the crown beneath her feet
ah ,but f u look into her eyes u'll c , strength of a woman


Sunday, February 15, 2009


I'm happy as long as my stupid baby heart is NOT bleeding in name of love

Ideas never die ,, Always there are fools to believe

Egypt is recovering (or may be its the last breath?)

Saturday, February 14, 2009

another useless wise notes

Love & Faith are alike ,, they r both beautiful & they r both blind

I cann't learn without paying a painful price ,, I'm stupid ,, what about u?

Losing ur mind for sometimes may b the only way to keep it for the rest of the time

what do I want 4m life? what do u want 4m life? what is the meaning of life?

number of accidents(Sodaf) in my life, how people appear & disappear , how things done ,,, make me sure day after day it's all a dream, it's all an illusion, it's all a nightmare - Vanilla Sky

HOW CAN A MAN MARRY A WOMAN IF THEY HAVE TOTALLY DIFFERENT OPINIONS & LIFE STYLES ? it's so destructive & unhealthy (I'm not gonna get married then) :(

my life is periority free - my life is futureless - my life is unhealthy life ,,, so what ? it's MY LIFE not yours after all

Friday, February 13, 2009

Weak points

1 of my major weak points is my continuous well 2 b free & independant ,, even if this put some restrictions on my life stream

ex: I must work as an engineer to provide my own money & nt to be under any political supervision by any1

the second & biggest weak point n my character is my endless need 4 love & careness -u may say "& who dnt?" , in my case this need 4 love is turn 2 b destructive & very painfull 4 me & others too

another weak point is that I never can face my problens ,, running away or hiding is my normal reaction when I face a problem (thats why I lose my friends instead of facing them when I have a problem wz them)

in brief ( I need love - I've my own theories about love - I'm weak & unstable & it prevents girls 4m loving me - I got sad & frustrated -I cant face my problems & escape instead - I LIVE A REPEATED NIGHTMARE


i always give this advice (dont b attached to someone-or something- more than normal ,, everyone-& everything-is leaving one day

no one & nothing stay forever ,, I hope I can follow my own advice, bt I never learn or my words always theoritical

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

About Me (110th time)

Ahmad is sleeping alone @ the dark thinking,dreaming, laughing & crying ,, welcome 2 my insane mud mind.


I'm good @ writing , thinking , walking , kissing & losing friends

I'm bad @ talking , joking , fighting , dressing , expressing

I love reading , fruits(bananas) , massage , music(na3'am masry) , watching P.debates

I hate football , noise , socializing , idiologists , mean girls , stupid people

I'm nt weak bt sensitive,
I'm nt mean bt selfish,
I'm nt crazy bt i've my own artistic touch

i'm nt bad bt i act badly some times

Every one told me how great & important i'm , then i wake up smiling

Every one told me how stupid & ugly i'm , then i went 2 bed crying

Every one seems to b taking care of me & supporting my steps n life , then i asked every one out & proposed every one marriage

Oh!,, "every one" was a very cute girl

king of nonsense


Now if those were your words, they are brilliant!



they r all my words & i loved how u collected them like thaaat :D


Yes it's very amusing especially the last part.

If u intend to publish it as a note plz dnt mention my name :)

I hope u r better today.

Vieled Love - love is Blind

Sunday, February 8, 2009

ندمان ؟

تخيل لو كنت فى سنة تالتة ما امتحنتش عملى الباور اليكترونكس مع الدكتور عطعوط

تخيل لو ماكنتش مربى دقنى وقتها و بقرب قوى انى أبقى سلفى أو حتى كنت عرفت قبل ما أقابله أن هو ده وكيل الكلية اللى بيتخانق مع دبان وشه و بيتلكك لأى سبب عشان يزعق و يتخانق

تخيل لو كنت الترم الأولانى عديت صافى من غير ما اسقط فى الباور اليكترونكس و كنت الترم التانى قضيته مذاكرة و حفظ و امتحانات زى بقية خلق الله بدل ما أقضيه مؤتمرات و مظاهرات و ندوات فى حزب الغد

تخيل لو كنت الترم التانى نجحت بمادة ولا حاجة و دخلت بكالوريوس على طول ... و كنت فى 2005 انشغلت فى البكالوريوس بدل ما أنسحل فى الانتخابات و المظاهرات و الخناقات و اللف فى الشوارع و وجع القلب

تخيل لو كنت نجحت فى 2005 زى بقية دفعتى أو حتى فى 2006 و اشتغلت فى اى شركة أو مصنع و ما اهتمتش بالسياسة غير من الجرايد و التليفزيون

تخيل وضعى كان حيبقى عامل ازاى دلوقتى !! .... ماديا كان حيبقى مرتبى ضعف مرتبى الحالى على الأقل
نفسيا ما كنتش حتعرض لكل الأزمات النفسية و الانكسارات و البهدلة اللى اتعرضت لها دى كلها و مكنتش حبقى محطم زى ما انا دلوقتى

تخيل لو ماكنتش عرفت أيمن نور غير من الجرايد ... تخيل لو ماكنتش قابلت وائل نوارة و باسل عادل و اللواء رجائى و جميلة اسماعيل و م.مازن ... تخيل لو ماكنتش اتصاحبت على توفيق الغواص و هانى الخياط و شريف فكرى و محمد زكى و أحمد ماهر و محمد قطب و بلال و يوسف و و ...

تخيل لو ما كنتش فى يوم اغبر أنفعلت بسبب الحكم على أيمن نور و أكتب مقالة عنه ساعتها و أنشرها على النت و ألاقى رد الفعل مغرى و من ساعتها و الكتابة شدتنى و بقت تلات أربع حياتى كتابة

تخيل لو ماكنتش عرفت عن اضراب ستة أبريل غير من الجرايد و أنا فى شغلى ... مش كان ممكن وقتها - فى الواقع الافتراضى البديل ده - يبقى عندى عربيتى و شقتى و أرفع حواجبى لأنى مش فاهم هو الاضراب ده معمول ليه ؟؟

تخيل لو ماكنتش دخلت السجن الشهر ده و حالتى النفسية اتدهورت من ساعتها لحد دلوقتى و كل مدى ما بتتدهور زيادة و بتنتكس زيادة

تخيل لو ماكنتش قابلت وائل شيحة و دعاء قاسم و عمر مخلص و أحمد سميح و زيدان و نها الشاهد و محمد عطية و محمود صابر و محمد فؤاد و مها شوقى و المليون واحد اللى بيكونوا مجتمعى الخاص بيا دلوقتى ...... مجتمعى اللى برغم انى ببعد عنه بالتدريج لكنه جزء مهم اوى فى كيانى و عقليتى

تخيل وقتها كان حيبقى استخدامى للفيس بوك ازاى ؟؟ و كان مين حيعرفنى غير أصحابى
مكنتش حعرف عليا ولا حفصة ولا اسماعيل النجار ولا حسن مدنى و لا أحمد شوشة ولا احمد زكريا

مكنتش حتشتم بسبب غزة ولا حيتحرق دمى من الاسلاميين

و كنت لو قريت بالصدفة مقالة لوائل نوارة حقول الراجل ده بيكتب حلو أوى بس أكيد مجنون ايه اللى مقعده فى مصر؟

تخيل حياتى كانت حتبقى آمنة و مملة و معادة قد ايه ؟؟

تخيل كنت حقضى وقتى كل يوم ازاى ؟ ,,, من الشغل للقهوة للجيم للجامع للبيت

تخيل لو ماكنتش حرقت دمى كل يوم فى مناقشات عقيمة و ضغطى فضل يعلى بسبب كل ده

تخيل لو ما قابلتش د.منال فهمى و أثرت فى حياتى التأثير ده كله

كان زمانى دلوقتى متجوز جواز صالونات او خاطب على الأقل و بكافح عشان اجهز شقتى بدل ما انا مبهدل نفسى و ذاللها عشان مفهومى للحب بقى مختلف عن الطبيعى بتاع كل البنى آدمين

تخيل لو ماكنتش عشت كل ده و عشات حياة طبيعية بأصحاب طبيعيين و شغل طبيعى و فشل و احباط فى حدود المعقول و حب من النوع الهادى و خيال من اللى بيحلم بوظيفة احسن و بدلة اشيك و خروجة لذيذة

يمكن قريب جدا حتجنن و حيجيلى انهيار عصبى و حمشى بهدوم مقطعة فى الشارع أكلم نفسى أو أدخل مصحة نفسية اتعالج من اللى انا فيه

لكن تخيل لو ماكنتش أنا انا .......... هل كنت حندم ؟؟

برغم كل شئ بعانى منه دلوقتى و بيهدمنى من جوايا لكن لأ .. أنا مش ندمان ......... أنا عشت حياة ثرية بكل معنى الكلمة .... حتى لو هى قصيرة و حتنتهى بسرعة لكنها عميقة و مليانة و متشعبة لدرجة انى مش قادر حتى اقول لمحة بسيطة عن كل اللى فيها فى المكان ده

و كونى بنهار دلوقتى و بفقد القدرة على مواصلة حياتى ده مش معناه أبدا أنى كنت حبقى أسعد من غير كل الأحداث و الأشخاص الموجودين فى حياتى

برغم كل انكساراتى و هزايمى و فشلى و عقدى لكن انا مش ندمان على اى لحظة عشتها فى حياتى ....... مش ندمان غير على الناس اللى خسرتهم للأبد برغم كل تاثيرهم الايجابى و السلبى عليا

برغم كل شئ ... أنا مش ندمان

Saturday, February 7, 2009


من كام يوم رحت ساقية الصاوى - لوحدى 
معايا كتاب عظيم جدا لكاتب عظيم جدا رشحته ليا صديقة عظيمة جدا 

للفضوليين فقط أقول أن 
الكتاب هو (شرق المتوسط) و الكاتب هو ( عبد الرحمن منيف) و الصديقة لا أحب أن أذكرها دون استئذان 

قعدت على النيل مباشرة ... يعنى لو كنت نزلت على ركبتى و مديت ايدى كنت لمست مية النيل الملوثة و هى بتهرب من السودان للبحر الأبيض 
معايا الموبايل مشغله راديو و كان يوميها ذكرى وفاة ام كلثوم - بالمناسبة حسب اقوال جميع الفقهاء فان ام كلثوم حتروح النار عشان مكانتش محجبة و صوتها عورة - و قعدت اسمع أغانيها فى ذكراها 

الجو رائع و البرد منعش ... جسمى مهدود حبة و ده بيخلى الاسترخاء أجمل ... الكتاب ممتع و مفجع يخليك تطلع مشاعر كتير من جواك - مشاعر ضد القهر و الظلم و الكبت ... منظر المية بالليل من اجمل مايكون .. صوت ام كلثوم فى ودانى بيمتعنى بجد 

كل حاجة كانت جميلة و تقريبا كاملة 

مخى الضعيف فكر فى اللحظة دى أن هو ده بالضبط كان احساس آدم و هو فى الجنة 

كل حاجة جميلة و كاملة بس هو اللى ناقص ... ناقص حوا نصه التانى اللى من غيره مفيش حاجة ليها طعم أو معنى أو احساس 

اتمنيت فى اللحظة دى لو ربنا يخلق لى حوا بتاعتى و تيجى تقعد جنبى نتكلم مع بعض و نحلم بالمستقبل مع بعض 

كالعادة اللى أصبحت مملة من كتر التكرار ... بدأت فى لعبة (ماذا لو) الرخمة 

يا ترى آدم كان حيعمل ايه لو أكتشف أن حوا بتحب حد تانى غيره؟ 

يا ترى آدم كان حيعمنل ايه لو حوا ماتت قبله - او سافرت - و رجع لوحده بعد ما جرب طعم الصحبة و الونيس ؟ 

يا ترى لو كان آدم مات قبل حوا كانت حتعمل هى ايه بعده و حتعيش ازاى ؟ 

قلت الحمد لله على النعمة اللى أنا حاسس بيها بلا حوا بلا طمع بقى .. لقيت حوا بعتت لى رسالة على الموبايل بتقول له انها مشغولة النهاردة و مش فاضية تقابله 

الأسطورة اليونانية بتحكى قصة بداية خلق البشر بطريقة مختلفة عن قصة آدم و حوا 

فى الأسطورة اليونانية كان جنس البشر جنس واحد متكامل و كان جنس نمرود بينافس الآلهة فى السعى للخلود و المعرفة فقررت الالهة عقاب جنس البشر عقاب يفضل يعذبه طول أجياله 

الآلهة نزلت برق على جنس البشر خلت كل بشرى اتقسم نصين - نص ذكر و نص أنثى - و كل نص من النصين فى الهرج و المرج تاه من نصه 

و بقى كل نص بيدور على نصه اللى تاه منه طول عمره بيحاول يرجع واحد كامل تانى 

العذاب استمر بعد كدة لبنى البشر و المحظوظين منهم بس هما اللى بيلاقوا نصهم المفقود ... بس تخيل لما تلاقى نصك اللى بتدور عليه و يطلع مش قادر يتعرف عليك و مش حاسس بيك ؟؟؟

Thursday, February 5, 2009

The crash point

Here I came to write & I found no words to put together,

my mind just go blank as empty space between two words on a line

May be -just maybe- it's my end as a writer ,, but as they say ,, an end of something is the begining of another

may be its a new turning point in my life

thanks for reading my notes dear friends , hope 2 c u all (not all ,,girls only) soon on real life

bye :)